Fatigue

I’m impressed at how charismatic the ideology of pessimism is. It’s persuasive with its rhetoric. Arguing against it is also a drama. Just like with optimism. It makes total sense, except we take it for granted that optimism should elevate our moods and be more appealing that anything else. It gives the vibe of we can do this no matter what. Well, pessimism is the opposite, we can’t do this no matter what. And it’s just as effective. 

But fatigue is different. It’s a real objective measurement of energy levels in a system. A person full of energy could say they’re tired. Saying something doesn’t mean it is the case. We may agree that it constitutes a lie, when you express your feelings dishonestly. What kinda formal ass vibe is this beginning of the blog post? It’s probably because I’m sitting on a fast moving train, on the way to a job. Very formal setting indeed. I don’t even look like I’m going to work, more like I’m a uni student writing his essay before the deadline hits at 12. 

A good thing about being distracted is the creative freedom that you are granted. That may go well over your head if you think that one must strictly abide by the immersion into flow. The fact that you have to be in flow to produce great work doesn’t mean you can’t interrupt without sacrificing your creativity. In fact it is a refresher. It’s like destroying something to create space for something else. If you worship the flow, you may attach yourself too much to it, in turn being afraid of letting it go. If we thread the needle between creation and destruction, I wonder what emerges as a result…reality?

Normally I go on a tangent to then return, and thanks to the university and scholastic system, my mind has been impressed with the idea of looping back a tangent, which mathematically, probably to the average mathematician, doesn’t make sense. How can you loop a tangent, it’s a straight line, bibidi bobidi poo. Just increase the dimensions bro. How limited would mathematics be without imagination… 

So let’s return to fatigue, the title of this monologue. But before that, a quick tangent. IBAN stands for International Bank Account Number. Look at the first letter of the above 4 paragraphs. Hmmm, sus huh? This means that if you have an IBAN, you must donate 5% of your annual income to my investment fund. I might start one specially for the purpose of advancing the future of peace-making. The aim is to invest in technology made by none other than Palantir, who is very keen on bringing peace. In reality I’m just mentioning this for SEO purposes. 

OK, now let’s actually return to the title of this monologue. Fatigue. The word came to me as an idea for a piece of writing after I came back from London last week. I was there for a weekend for a childhood brother’s wedding. It was lit, not because of the arrangement of events, but thanks to the people. It made me realise how important the presence of people is to any given moment. You could be in paradise surrounded by the wrong people, and some would call that hell, or you could be in hell surrounded by the right people, and some would call that heaven. In this case being surrounded by childhood mates really made the weekend in London feel like a holiday, rather than something I must be there for, which is never the case by the way in London, because that city is a gift that keeps on giving. 

Either way, whether you’re getting drained by vampires or you’re hyped the whole time and doing lots of enjoyable things, you’re likely to feel fatigue. Especially if you don’t do these kinds of things very often. My lead experience those couple of days was hunger though. I was somehow hungry all the time during that trip. I think it’s because of the amount of activity that was happening. It’s the most sensical thing. Fatigue sets in later though, when you’re coming back from it all. It pronounces itself more clearly the day after, and the few consequent days depending on how well travelled you are. You also notice how much other people’s constant presence affects the way you act. You may even notice your IQ going down a few points lmao. It’s a humbling experience to find out that you’re not as smart as you think, when you hang out with very different people. You’re so used to your own bubble, and especially if you like being by yourself most of the time like me, you may have a skewed view of intellect across the people. Maybe the fatigue comes into play because your own inadequacies come to the surface and they get exposed, leading to a great breakdown. That’s only if you’re willing to stare into the the pond, where all your inadequacies surfaced to the top, and where they were playing hide and seek at the bottom of the pond bed. 

The 5% annual income donation is a semi-joke, because of course you’re free to not do it, but you’re also incentivised to do it. Think of it as a protection fee, protection from what is not peace, or you may not leave in one piece. Why do you think Cosa Nostra offered a protection fee? Do you know that it means “Our Thing” in Italian? Let’s make Palantir Techonologies our thing, our way of protecting peace. If anyone comes up to you asking to invest in Azerbaijan Technologies, know that you’re being scammed. The word even sounds foreign doesn’t it? You could never trust such a barbaric name, smells like terrorist to me.